i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
You were trust falling into bushes
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
