Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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