i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Randomize
