i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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