there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
