im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
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