well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize