So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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