you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
