This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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