Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
