You smell like a Billy Joel song
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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