Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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