the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
