There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
