Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
only you would photoshop your dick
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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