We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
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