Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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