Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
