Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
he shaved USA in his pubs
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
