I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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