I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
