I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
