dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
