I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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