did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
