this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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