I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
