Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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