i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
