need another drink. this is the easiest way
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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