somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Randomize
