I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
