It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
There r osticjed everywhere
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
