just come out here and I will go home with you...
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
