Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm way too hungover for life right now
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
