when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Randomize
