I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
It's rum buckets o'clock
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
