Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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