you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
