Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
