Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
