Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
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