i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
