The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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