didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
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