I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
