Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
