I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
How naked do you want me to be?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
