What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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