I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
