I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize