3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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