i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
