My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
