bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Randomize
