Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
