and you said cock pushups were impossible
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
