it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
