I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Randomize
