maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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