glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
