I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
