I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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