My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Girls should come with a carfax report
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize