It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
