I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
