i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
