Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
