Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize
