im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
