We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
my shit smells like andre
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
