I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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