Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Randomize
